Tuesday, March 27, 2007
a lot of things bother me. sobra. about the past, yung mga issues ng mga nasa paligid ko, problems ng ibang tao, mood swings, my future, and so much more. plus, i'm bored. grabe, sa sobrang bored nakafinish ako ng thick book in three days! tindi. ewan. masyado ako naaapektuhan ng problema ng iba na when i really come to think of it, di ko naman dapat pinapakialaman at iniisip. but i'm concerned and i care for these people that's why i'm affected. minsan naiinis na nga ako eh. yung mga dapat hindi na kasama sumasama pa. asar. kaya lalong lumalaki eh. grr. basta. naiinis ako. nagtatago pa. i thought we're FRIENDS. tapos may taguan pa and sikretuhan! plus, di ko na alam ang totoo. i don't want naman to take sides kasi they're both close to my heart pero totoo nga ata yung blood is thicker than water. haay buhay. i have so many things inside me.
5:12 AM
Friday, February 16, 2007
valentine's day passed already. uhm, di naman ako sad that day or di naman din ako ganun kasaya, yung tama lang. nung start nga nung day parang ordinary lang. well, i'm happy kasi we won third place sa interclass quiz bee (sooo PROUD.ü). and as a class, nagcelebrate din kami that day ng valentine's day - in our own special way! : ) we called that day, Single's Awareness Day or S.A.D. for short. hehe. cool no?ü as usual, party nanaman sa classroom. and ciempre, we had fun... sobra! : ) 3-9 pa? dyan ata kami magaling. haha.
Actually, our days together are numbered. sobrang lapit na magsummer. AYOKO PA. sobrang naattached na ako. : ( di ko alam paano next year. i mean, paano ko iaaccept yung new classmates ko next year? would there still be parties katulad ng ginagawa ng 3-? aww. time's so short when you're having fun. oh well, sabi nga ni agnes... "deep friendship doesn't need communication". haaay.
2:09 AM
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
we had the most awaited PROM last saturday, february 4 at the PICC, the Forum. it was fun pero parang may kulang. di ko sure kung ano. siguro i expected too much or overly prepared kaya the day itself medyo... ewan. basta. pero it was nice naman. : ) the venue was big. much bigger than last year. pero i think maslively last year. ngayon kasi parang ayaw magclap ng crowd kapag sinabing clap. basta, ganun. peo despite all that, maganda pa rin lahat! : )
confirmation din namin today. : ) yay! pwede na ako magpakasal! hahahaha. JOKE. grabe, ang haba, from 8 to 11. kakagutom! haha. nung start ang gulo, as in. pero okay lang. basta maconfirm kami, di ba? : ) masaya kasi afte lunch 1 subject na lang tapos homeroom tapos dismissal na. yung iba nga na confirmands umuwi na e. sayang, sana umuwi na rin ako... oh well.
about the problem i've been always talking about dito sa blog na 'to... all i can say is that, i'm happy now. : ) much happier. i mean, kapag nakikita ko sila magkasama, yes, may butterflies pa rin ako sa tiyan and kahit ano pang nafeefeel ko pero still i have no regrets. ewan. ngayon, parang unti - unti ng nawawala 'siya' sa kamalayan ko (yess, ang lalim. haha) or di ko na siya masyado pinapansin and napapansin. kasi siguro masmadali kapag ganun. may song pa nga ako sa nangyari sa akin e. haha. gusto pa. oh well. yung song ng sugarfree. yung "kung ayaw mo na sa akin". sakto talaga siya e. pero not the whole song naman yung some parts lang. : ) like, "ang kahapon ko ay bihag pa rin ng alaala mo..." parang despite of everything na nangyari and kahit anong mangyari, lahat - lahat magiging memories na lang. talagang memories na LANG.
oh well. back ulit sa projects, grabe sa dami. bahala na. kaya ko 'to! :) haha.
3:51 AM
we had the most awaited PROM last saturday, february 4 at the PICC, the Forum.
3:51 AM
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
we watched "john tucker must die" last night. OH MY GOSH. kakakilig! waah. : ) haay. and i was struck dun sa isang line na sabi ni kate spencer (yung bidang girl) na " i was invisible for so long... that it felt good to be noticed" grabe. tamang - tama ako dun! pero sabi nung mom niya, "you chose to be invisible and thought of it as an easier way" teka, did i choose to be invisible?! uhm, i did not! well, sometimes. pero, ewan. depende. invisible... saan?
siguro, the whole situation i was experiencing the past few months, yun na nga yun -- pertaining to the line said by kate. i was really overwhelmed. di ko naman siguro first time pero it was the first time na may mag - exert ng ganung effort for me. narealize ko na lang na "oo nga noh, masaya rin pala" after nawala siya and the whole "thing". oo na, masakit and all and bitter - bitteran na ako pero that's what i felt and currently feeling... pa rin ba?! hmm.. and will be feeling pa rin? haay, buhay. sabi nga ng brother ko, "parte 'yan ng paglaki." hahaha.
oh well that movie, i can say, made me move on and hopefully, forget everything. : )
at least, kung sino man siya, di niya alam na alam ko. (gets?!) kasi siguro double yung sakit kung sakaling alam niya. basta. i'm still lucky pa rin. : )
teka, di niya nga ba talaga alam? or nakakakuha na siya ng hint? oh my gosh.
10:34 PM
Monday, December 04, 2006
sometimes, i feel like a hypocrite. kasi lagi kong sinasabi i must move on... blah and all that stuff pero everytime i see them together, i fall apart. : ( is it really natural for me to feel that way or am i really overreacting? totoo nga talaga yung "thought" or yung kasabihan na kung kelan lang nawala ang isang bagay dun mo lang siya maappreciate. oh my gosh. it hurts. : ( hai. hahayaan ko na lang silang maging masaya.
bakit lagi na lang ako yung nagpaparaya?
sana next time ibang scenario naman.
sana next time ako naman yung maging masaya.
sana next time di na ako magsisisi.
sana next time masmaappreciate ko pa yung ginagawa nung ibang tao para sa akin.
sana next time pahalagahan ko na rin yung even the smallest things.
sana next time di na lang ako basta biglang bitiwan at iwan after everything.
sana kung sino man yung next time ko, masmaghintay siya and masworth it.
sana may next time pa nga talaga.
i just hope na all of these will end soon. sige na, bitter na kung bitter.
3:11 AM
Sunday, November 05, 2006
haay, pasukan na. parang gusto ko ng pumasok na ayaw ko pa rin. i don't know how to handle "it" anymore. masyado na ako naaapektuhan! : ( the more i try to forget it, the more it affects me! bakit ganun?! i remember, before pasukan, i asked for an inspiration.. tapos binigay siya ng Diyos (yep, i really prayed.ü) tapos ngayon.. wala na. wow, masakit pala. mahirap tanggalin ang isang bagay na nasanay ka na.. nakakamiss. yung every night maghihintay ka na tumunog yung cellphone tapos hoping na siya yun... see? kahit umasa na nga lang eh.. or bawat ring ng phone, wishing na sana siya rin yun. haay.. mahirap maghintay sa wala. i thought wala lang, madali makalimutan. oh well, i'm absolutely wrong. kelan kaya ako makakamove on? will anyone please, help me?
anyway, we were at the province (bataan and zambales) for almost 4 days and siyempre, masaya. : ) uhm, kahit ilang days lang makalanghap ng fresh air (just like what i said sa multiply ko). and makalayo sa "city". pero hanggang doon, dala ko yung geometry and trigo homeworks and english sonnet - baka sakaling mainspire eh! haha.
life's hard. i just want to cry, but i won't. wah.. ayoko na. this is killing me... thinking na each day i still have to deal with the same dilemma. what can i do?! i'm helpless. grabe, drama ha - kailangan ata eh. ito pa malalala, walang may alam.. ako lang. abe, be optimistic. everything happens for a reason. : )
10:05 PM
Sunday, October 29, 2006
hai, sem-break na. pero parang gusto ko pumasok na ayaw ko pa. haha. gets? oh well. back to my drama thing..
oh well, sabi ko ayaw ko na but still. nasaktan nanaman ako. why am i feeling this way? so hard ha. (ang arte!) haha. first time. ayaw ko na maulit. swear! i don't want to feel again what i'm feeling right now. mahirap magbingibingihan at magbulag - bulagan at magpretend na wala akong alam at walang nararamdaman kahit deep inside i'm really hurt. : ( or like now, kahit na i know something mahirap pa rin magpretend na i'm neutral and happy about it pero ganun pa rin, i'm hurt. gets? basta ganun.
wala man lang ako masabihan na, "oh my gosh! meron na pala siyang iba.. kamusta naman 'yon?!" i mean hello? kahit sobrang babaw and all kailangan ko pa rin i-release what i'm feeling inside. i need someone who'll undersrtand me and di ako ijujudge. : )
i found something last night sa isang friendster profile ng friend ni alica.. "...hoping time would make me realize that you can never be mine and maybe, learn how to smile about it" i think, that's what exactly what i should do. learn to forget and learn sa nagyari sa akin and i should start moving on and go back to my "normal" life. : ) kasi naman noh, for a week or for so how many days, i THOUGHT i was feeling the same way. i thought nga ba talaga?
ayoko na. i should take a break. haay. life indeed is a rollercoaster. nakakapagod na rin.
6:31 AM
